Young Love-

So--- It's not enough that I have already been there.
Not enough, that my heart has already broken, and I couldn't eat for days.
That I waited for the phone to ring for hours upon hours, and that my pillow
held more tears that month than the world's largest mop.
Now I had to go and have teenagers that would walk the swamps of sadness-
And I have to re-live those feelings, again-
But this time, through their hearts.

Ugh, what I would give to have all this just be "spidey-proofed"...
Just never be allowed to be seen, felt, or even heard of-
For their sakes, and frankly, for ours too. 
But yes, as the all- encompassing "rights of passage",
We must go through it, in our own time.
And this, my friends, to me, is one of the toughest.

It's no secret that I can be a little too attached...duh...I have a hint of
OCD yes...and not where
it comes in handy. 
It is "OCD OF THE INSIDE"...which has no impact on making life glamorous
IN ANYTHING I do-
You see, most OCD has it's ups-and can create chatter amongst others...
But not mine-
It doesn't impress people with organization, or endless delicious recipes for apps
on a summer day.
Never have I been asked, how I put such a touch on style-as I put together
my outfit for the third time this week....

My "infliction" is inside, and I must say, I'm not the only one-
It's the (sometimes too heartfelt) obsession- with my kids and wanting things to
always be well.
But for all in close range, here's another Jen- Hale -Newsflash!
It won't always be...and if you're honest, it is better in the long run that way.

I mean, of course, if we could "guard rail" them forever, that would help. 
But we all know, like
life's book says on a daily basis, "the stepping stones of life, are built by difficulties
and heartaches.."

BUT WHY IS THATTTTTT?? 
Why cant we just learn from happiness and harmony?
Guess that's a story for another day.

Soooo...here I sit, watching one of these moments hit our house,
and hating every second of it.
I would fear for my life, announcing which teen of mine this is about...
But it doesn't matter, and seriously, it is sad.
And hard.  And really sucks.
And although the "Hale child" was the one to do the breaking up, it wasn't easy-
they really do still love their "friend"...

Most of us have been there. 
And whether you are the one that ended things, or the
one that had it ended ON,
neither position feels good, and neither is an easy road to walk, let alone, get over.
But what I DIDN'T have to feel at seventeen, when it was happening to me, is
the mother's part of it all.

This position as a mom, really has some hard hats to have to wear.

In the beginning you think-the "baby"
Okay, I'm gonna lose some sleep, and my boobs are gonna hurt...and maybe
leak in public.
I'm gonna have to potty train, and have to know when to take them to the ER
with a high fever.
But man, it goes from worry and panic, to this new phase-
Where you are literally remembering
this stuff like yesterday....and it's (unless they let you in) not even involving
you anymore.

As women, ugh, it's probably even harder-
The one thing we have going through a stressful situation, the only thing that
may help us at all, is control.
But as they age, even if you are still technically "the boss", some things, well, you're out....
It's this new day- and hellooo, I don't know when it freaking happens...

It is now them, and their issue-
And as much as you may want to still continue your role
as ringleader, (all you know to be), you are only called upon when needed.
AND NOOOO,
Not when you think you're needed, when they think you are.....
Which makes parents, especially mommies, go crazy. 

I want to know what's going on, what happened, how everyone is feeling
about things.
So unless I want to be an insane maniac, I have to wait patiently for a knock
at my door-
And then try and win the Oscar for looking like I'm not the most excited person
on the planet-
Not only getting to hear the latest, but have the chance to (casually of course),
find a miracle way to spit out everything I have had to say, but
make it sound like I'm just tossing in my two cents.
You know, play things cool.

Having said all this-
What am I getting at? 
What (besides having no say) make it so darn hard? 
One thing.
And that is, (the absolute beautiful sight of ), someone loving your baby.

The first time you hear someone is crushing on your kid, whether it be
preschool, or 5th grade...it is precious. 
Well, for most of us.
A mommy's head tilts and says...awww, reallly???
And you immediately ask for a class picture or for someone to point them out to you...
"I have to see who loves you!"  lol

Then, the years go on, and if it gets more "serious"
they come by or stop
over on a weekend with a friend or in the infamous "group".
You catch yourself listening to how they speak to each other or
any flirting that you can
bust on them for later.

And as they age even more, if you allow it,
they start spending even more time together...
That is where we were these last seven months...

Vacations, weekends, even a few weekdays, together a lot----
And that dang mommy part again?  You become attached.
You watch them enjoy their talks and laughs...
You start to get to know them and their families-
You see your son or daughter, have this sweet light in their eyes when they're around---

And then, lightening strikes one day, and it is over.
And YOU WEREN'T READY.
You didn't call the shot, you were right smack in the middle of what you thought was simply
awesome.  And what?  Nooooo!!...

Yes. Just like in 1991, hearts are broken and you feel helpless.
Ugh, I hate it.
I hate it for the child of mine that was so torn and still loves them.
And I hate it for the one that still has those same feelings, and is hurting.

As parents, again, we have no control-and I get it...
Some of you may end up being really good
as removing themselves-that's awesome.  And healthy!
But I'm not one of them. 

I remember my mom telling Roman years ago that I am a "go hard" girl-
When I'm mad, I'm furious, when I'm laughing, I'm hysterical and when
I love, it is wholeheartedly.
So freaking true.

I give my all, maybe not to having the best looking bathroom in the
neighborhood, but in all honestly, but to
any friend, child, or thing that really matters.
I know I joke, but my OCD to "love and addiction to my babies" does have good things
attached to it.
Two very good things-
(1) That I will always know I did all I could with the years I got
(2) To not have much regret at the end of my days...
Those things will sit in the back of my mind, and will
probably help me through a lot on this
roller coaster ride of ours. 
Even this.

Funny enough, because of the way I feel about things-and just like I say here
on my blog,
I have really good talks with my kids and their friends about these kind of things...
A lot of parents lecture on sex, respect, good grades-
But I talk a lot, besides that, about life and our experiences-and funny things that
have happened through the years...
With a huge emphasis, on everything happening for a reason-
I really think that's a great thing to talk about if you are a believer...
And very recently, had a talk with the boyfriend/girlfriend that we are discussing here,
I remember it being a really good discussion-and how we really connected with it.

I am hoping they remember that talk now, while things are hard.
And remembering that if things are truly meant to be, they will be...no matter what.

At times like this, I am glad that my talks have happened early-
Before these things even start happening---
I am constantly amazed with the quantity of things they have come to me
about, and the personal things, they feel they can share with me.
I don't know what specifically I have done to earn that trust but maybe it's simply just
that open door feeling I try to give to all of them.

It's hard to juggle eight different ages, with eight different needs and to
be honest, sometimes
I do worry-
I am only one person, we all are.

How can we concoct a recipe with a balance of love and come to me with issues,
but include a strictness and were still your parents thrown in with it?
Am I saying enough, teaching enough, talking enough?
But maybe the answers to our questions can be found in the simple
connection we have
when we are alone with them. 
We must be doing it right if they are confiding in us!

If your kids are still young, think about what kind of mommy (or daddy) you
want to be.
And how much you want to share or be shared with-
Some don't want details-don't feel comfortable talking too
personal about things...
But then the other side of that, is praying they hear the truth from
someone else, which doesn't always happen-
I can talk about anything so that wasn't hard for me, but I still search
for a balance to it all..
How can I not be in denial about what is coming up for
Sr Week but not condone it??
We will always be learning and growing-that's our job :)

Whether it's relationships, behavior, school---we are bound to be filled
with the rainbow of parenting colors-
And although we will hopefully have more brights, some gloomy will be mixed in there too...
Seriously, who said it was easy?? NO ONEEEE!!!!
We can't help feeling it, our hearts are still connected, and will be, for freaking ever.

So, for all of the sweet people that now, or in the future, hang out with us,
and love our kids, I want to say-
you will always have a special place in our hearts.

For all of these memories are ours to share too, 
Just now (as the parent), in a different way :)

Hugs!